Danielle LaPorte says it so perfectly – No makes way for yes.
We live in a society of that feeds off an intense need for instant gratification and a fear of missing out. A society in which saying no is virtually out of the question. Saying no means you might miss out on something really big or it could very well result in a loss of or lack of something in your life. You simply can’t say no and expect to live a full life…or so a rather vocal segment of our modern society would have us believe. And let’s not forget that we, as a society, judge our level of success by how “busy” we are. The more things you say yes to the busier you are, the more successful you are, right? So again, saying no just can’t possibly be an option.
But here’s the harsh reality – unless you say the word no, at least on occasion, you can and will lose the ability to say yes at some point, very possibly at the moment when you really want/need to say yes. Why? Because you are human and can’t do it all. Because there are only so many hours in a day. Because no matter how close you get to being perfect, you still can’t be solely responsible for accomplishing everything that needs to be done at home, at work, and everywhere else in between. It just isn’t possible. You just cannot say yes all the time.
And let’s be clear – those are merely the facts as they exist, they do not represent a failure on your part. There’s no judgment. There is only the stone-cold reality that when we say yes too often we eventually reach a point when yes can’t possibly be the answer anymore. If you are always saying yes you will inevitably reach the point where you cannot physically fit anything more into your schedule…into your life…and so it is then that no has to be the answer. Something has to go before anything else can be added. Quite a conundrum when faced with the opportunity to do something you have always wanted to do, but you can’t because of all the other things you previously said yes to (things that you may not even really care about).
And who does it hurt? Let’s be honest here – primarily you. And while overcommitting on your part can create problems for others as well, by and large you are the one who suffers from your inability to say no. So what is the answer? How do we find a balance between saying yes and saying no?
The key is to set and honor boundaries for yourself. If you follow any of Brené Brown’s work then you are likely familiar with this statement from her on the importance of boundaries, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Your time, your health, your sanity, your talents, etc. are important so you need to be mindful of your “Yes’s and No’s” such that you are honoring your wants, needs, desires, and limitations. Again, it is not about any kind of failure on your part, rather it is about being honest with yourself and not overcommitting. Saying no on occasion to things that don’t feel right, don’t resonate, don’t align with your personal mission is not only okay, it is essential to being able to say yes to all things that are meaningful to you. Commit to the things that light you up, to the things you are passionate about. Don’t say yes out of guilt or some misguided sense of obligation to someone else. Say yes because it means something to you. If you do that, not only will you find that you are no longer overcommitted, but you will also find yourself in a place of great joy and happiness.