Have you ever created such an elaborate vision of an activity or event in your mind that you have been unable to follow through with that activity or event until it can happen just as you have envisioned it? This is something that has been coming up a lot for me lately. I noticed that my “vision” of certain things often keeps me from doing those things entirely. It is as if my mind has declared that if I can’t do something to the degree I have envisioned it, then I won’t/can’t do it at all. And I find I do this with all sorts of things…exercise, using my pool, meditation, doing chores around the house, completing projects at work…you name the topic, I have probably struggled with this block in relation to it.
I was particularly struck by this phenomenon over the summer when it came to using my pool. Sadly, I hardly used my pool at all this summer. Part of that was caused by my schedule (I was away a good bit) and the weather (we had a lot of rain early in the summer), but the truth is the third reason I was not in my pool much this summer was because I got hung up on not having entire afternoons to spend in it. It’s silly to think about after the fact, but the reality is I had some weekend days when I had an hour or two when I could have been in the pool, but I choose not to take advantage of that time. And why didn’t I? Truthfully, because I convinced myself it wasn’t worth it for that short a time period! The story I was playing in my mind was that if I can’t spend the afternoon at the pool I shouldn’t go at all. Really? Who says it has to be an all day thing? Why can’t it just be a few minutes? Do I really need to pack my beach bag and head down to the pool for an entire afternoon in order for it to be “worth my time”? For that matter, why can’t just I hop in some morning for a few minutes before going to work? Where did this story come from and why have I decided it is my truth?
This is just one simple example to better illustrate my point…and it is actually the thing that first brought this topic to the forefront for me to the degree that it really got my attention. But I could share similar stories pertaining to exercising, meditating, etc. So many things I want to do, should do, and even need to do but I get stuck in these stories about why I can’t do them until my circumstances surrounding those activities or events reach a certain point. It’s terribly sad when you think about it. What am I missing out on by believing these stories I have told myself? What enjoyment am I robbing myself of? Where could I be in terms of my health, my career, my meditation practice, my level of relaxation, etc. if I had just let go of those stories and lived in each moment as it was? Conclusion: I need to loose the attachment to these stories I have told myself and learn to enjoy doing things to the degree I can when I can. Live in the moment, enjoy what there is to enjoy as it is. Waiting for that perfect time to do something might well result in never doing it at all…and that would be a terrible waste. There’s no judge watching us, waiting to give us a score on our lives and our choices. Don’t wait until for the “perfect time” to do the things you want to do. Live life…enjoy life…and don’t get hung up on those stories we tell ourselves.